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04 Januari 2017 | 0 comment(s)
Seriously, i'm growing tired of you. every night i looked at the clock, and it was blurry because of the tears in my eyes as i struggled to find out that it was 3am and i hadn't slept a wink even though i had to be up in 3 hours, all because you made me feel like i weren't good enough.

it's hard for another man to love me. you left me hanging, ruined my trust, and now for every guy that comes along, i'll notice parts of you in him, i'll be reluctant to let down my walls, i won't give him 100% like he deserves, and i'll hold on to my heart, because you scratched your name into it like a torn up CD.

you are responsible for the bruises. you never hit me, but you did far, far worse. you gave me a heartache that doesn't stop hurting. and for all those shoulder i cried on, yours was never one of them. you didn't give me the love and respect i deserved, and made it where the words "i love you" leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

but after what you've done to me, i don't know why i still want to be by your side. i keep holding to 'us' even though you seems to be letting it go. sometimes, i just wonder, kita ni tengah pertahankan hubungan atau tangguhkan perpisahan? i'm sorry that these things came across my mind but i just can't help it. the flood of overthinking drowned me.

am i still your favourite person? or have you lost your interest in me? you keep saying you're busy that you don't have time to contact me. and i keep saying "it's okey. i understand". yes, i do understand you, but deep in my heart, i keep asking to myself, "but no matter how busy you are, if i'm your priority, you'll find time to contact me, right?"

honestly, i don't know what to do now. i don't even understand our true situation. if you still want me by your side, and if all what you've said were true, i shall believe and understand you. but if and only if you keep saying that you're busy just as an excuse, kalau you tak bersungguh dengan 'kita', then apa guna kita teruskan? i know gf/bf isn't permanent until we're married but what's the point of having one if you don't wanna try make it till the end?

i'm sorry, truly sorry, deeply sorry, if i'm wrong. if this post ever crossed on your read, and if it is too far from the real situation, do correct me. don't let these overthinking dominates me. after all, i'm still hoping it's you and me in the end.

12:00am ; Jan 5, 2017